I don't know how else to begin this right now (in fact, I don't even know what to call it yet) so I'm just going to start with this: Why does my mom always say that she's never going to do something again, and then go and do whatever it is she said she wasn't going to do the next time she's in the same situation?? Also, why does this aggravate me so much?? And why can't I just talk to her?? I am going to attempt to answer my own questions (because I don't think I can finish watching Monsters vs. Aliens until I have gotten this off my mind).

Ok. In reference to the whole "mom saying she's never going to do something again and then doing it" I am actually referring to something specific at this moment. I feel like she does this with a lot of things, but right now I am specifically referring to helping my brother with his homework. Before I say anything else about the situation, it should be known that my brother's handwriting sucks worse than mine ((which I feel like doesn't really say much. He could care less about school because he wants to be a DJ...and he has ADHD (with some other stuff included, probably)) so he absolutely HAS to type everything up in order for anyone to be able to read it. I feel like I'm probably the same way...but the point is that my brother does not have his own computer. Most of the things my brother owns are either broken, or have had to be replaced several times for one reason or another. He doesn't really have any friends that live around here (because he goes to a private school about an hour away, and his friends from school live all over. He goes to sleepaway camp during the summers, but his friends from camp live all over as well. He's in a youth group at our temple, so he has some friends from there). Because of all of this I feel like he has a tendency to touch things that are not his / fiddle with things that are his until he breaks them (hence the reason why he does not have a computer, along with another reason that I don't feel like mentioning here. If you really want to know what it is, you can ask me. I mean, it's a normal teenage boy thing I guess, it's just kind of gross). Because my brother does not have his own computer, my mom ends up typing everything up on hers for him (I feel like she would let him do it if she was absolutely sure he wasn't going to break it...I'm not actually sure which would take longer, though. I feel like either way it would result in a battle, because it usually does anyway). Whenever my mom types my brother's homework up for him, it always ends in a fight anyway, because my mom is sooo technologically challenged that if the slightest thing goes wrong that she does not know how to fix (which could be something as simple as the font being too small, because she really does not know anything about computers) she starts freaking out.

I guess a better question would be, why does my mom always make a big deal about EVERYTHING?? Sadly, I do not know the answer to this one. I've been trying to figure it out for a while to no avail. Another question that might be on the minds of anyone who's reading this, though, is probably "what does any of this have to do with Emily?" (or better yet, "why does it bother her so much?"). I think one of the answers to that might be that I still live in the same house as them, and so I have to listen to it as it's happening. I hate to see / hear my mom get mad / aggravated, and most of the time she takes her anger / aggravation out on me, even when I do the slightest thing. Of course I can't think of a specific example right now...but when one comes to me I will come back and edit this. **EDIT 9:02 PM:** I guess I could use tonight as a specific example. My mom's printer was out of paper and since I'm the only other person in the house now, I'm clearly the only person who has printer paper...and that was how I got dragged into this whole thing. I was trying to watch a movie (specifically Monsters vs. Aliens) and all I could hear was my mom and brother (well, more specifically my mom) yelling. the next thing I know my brother is at the door to my room asking for printer paper. I had to stop the movie and turn on the light to look for it. I just hate being interrupted in general when I am doing things. I probably just need to suck it because, I mean, getting interrupted is a fact of life. I guess it made it worse for me tonight because I had been listening to them yell, and like I said, I hate to see / hear my mom get mad). When my mom gets mad at either of us (me or my brother) it kind of causes us to freeze up and not know what to do / go into crazy panic mode / try to get everything done as quickly as possible so as not to get her more angry / aggravated, which usually results in us messing up / forgetting things, which only makes things worse and makes her more mad at us anyway.

I feel like this is one of those things that I'm going to look back at in the far future and think that it's stupid. ::SHRUG:: I just wish that I could actually talk to my mom about it and have her understand and actually change / get her to come talk to someone with me about it. I really feel that the only way that any of the problems I have with my mom are going to get solved is if she agrees to come with me to talk to a professional (psychologist / psychiatrist / counselor, or someone like that). ::SHRUG:: I kind of forgot where I was going with this now, so I guess I should end it here. More soon.

--Emily

**EDIT (again) 9:55 PM:** So my mom agrees with me on the whole Ben thing...but on almost everything else I just don't understand her. ::SHRUG:: Ok. That's really all for now.